The above statement isn’t quite the whole truth. I have discovered today that actually I don’t mind it. It is in fact, the perception of running alone that I don’t like. The loneliness, the lack of support, the way that talking to yourself make you looks crazy.
When I went to bed last night I did so with every intention of getting up at eight o’clock and going to Warrington parkrun. At eight o’clock I did wake up. I went to the bathroom and looked out of the window. It looked bitterly cold. I could see the white sheen of crystalized dew covering my plants. My breath was visible in the air.
I went back to bed.
When I woke up an hour later I did my normal thing of flicking through Facebook and Twitter, checking up on what I’d missed overnight. England having a terrible day in the Ashes, many friends’ opinions on the new Star Wars movie (which I’ve already seen) and finally, the cancellation of Warrington parkrun. The guilt flooded away from me in an instant. This run was planned in my head and was supposed to be my banker.
I have two run planned for this weekend. The first was parkrun, the second is the Winter Handicap 10k race on Sunday at 10am. I am also working tonight, possibly until about three in the morning. It is not guaranteed that I will be feeling 100% for the handicap and so there has always been a thought in the back of my mind that I may have to miss it. Hence parkrun being my supposed banker.
The guilt returned as quickly as it faded and I spent the next two hours trying to talk myself into going for a run. When it comes to going to club nights or going to organised races I don’t have a problem. I’m excited, nervous, looking forward to running on those occasions. When I am alone I dread it. I start thinking about how I will feel whilst I’m running. I look for any excuse not to go out. It’s too cold, I’m in work later, I’m tired. All the usual stuff. Even when I try to think positively about the benefits of doing it my mind quickly turns to the negatives. It’s ridiculous that my head works in this way but it always has done.
One of the things that doesn’t help my negativity is not having a route planned out in my head. I live on the other side of town to where my club runs are based and that also means most of the club’s members live over there too. The only runs I have done near to my house were done over a year ago when I was starting out on the Couch25K app and I didn’t get to finish that so my old routes weren’t going to get me going passed 3k. All I could do was guess at a route that would be approximately 5k.
I sat on the end of my bed, getting my iPod loaded with a podcast I have recently discovered. It’s called Running Commentary and is two blokes, Rob Deering and Paul Tonkinson, chatting away as they are out on a run. Their chat isn’t about running as such but I thought it might help me feel less like I was on my own if I was listening to a conversation being had through panting breaths. Once my iPod was charged I got changed into my running gear, grabbed my keys and headphones and went out the door.
When I was out on the run I felt good. At no point did I feel like I couldn’t be bothered or that it was too difficult. I kept my focus on what was in front of me and the conversation that was in my ears thanks to the podcast. I did have a little bit of a wobble when I was only about 1k in to the run. I had to pass three lads who decided to block of the pavement by walking side by side as soon as they saw me approaching. I wasn’t fazed by this and just nipped off the pavement, on to the road in order to get passed. The lads didn’t do or say anything to me but as I inhaled I almost chocked on the weed they were smoking. It was an annoyance more than anything else but it slowed me down and ruined my rhythm.
The rest of the run was fine. As I was approaching home I had a quick look at my watch to check on my distance and found that I was just short of 3 miles. I took an unplanned left turn into a cul-de-sac in order to get over the magical 3.1 distance and then walked back up to the main road and in to Tesco for a bottle of water and some lunch. Walking out of the shop I walked straight into a wall of rain. I swear it hadn’t been raining while I was running and now the heavens had opened. My slow walk home turned into a quick paced jog so I could try and keep myself from getting cold. I was so happy when I stepped into the warm water of my shower.
Looking back on it I don’t know what I was complaining about. I enjoyed the run and now have that lovely warm glow of knowing I have done some exercise. Guess I won’t have an excuse next time I say I don’t like running on my own.
charles will run 